Figuring Out Preteens Mind – How To Handle With Care

Do you remember those days when you were in your preadolescence, those hormonal roller coaster rides, being emotional and cranky at the same time? Fortunately or unfortunately we all have experienced that pre-teen period and we all had done our share of mistakes; cute little mistakes. Sometimes the situation gets worse with lack of proper guidance and a gap between parent-child communications; and this lacuna should be filled up with wits, love, patience, and care.

Typically when our notorious and cute kiddos reach the age of nine and plus who were once so willing to climb into our laps and share their secrets that how he ate the jam from the refrigerator, how he broke the egg etc. suddenly start drifting from us. They love shelling in their cocoons.

A child in preadolescence stage is not the same person he was just a year or two ago. He/She goes through numerous transformation – physically, cognitively, emotionally, and socially. He develops to enjoy new found independence ( even the freedom fighters wouldn’t have got that much excitement after India’s independence). All they want to do is to see how far he can push limits and boundaries set by parents…Don’t howl at them, Parents, recall your stage as a preadolescent and the helplessness writ on your parent’s face. 

The innocent mind doesn’t know that he needs you besides to dodge the hurricane of adolescence. It isn’t an easy task because you need to ensure that you as a Parent respect your child’s need for greater autonomy in order to craft a successful relationship with this “upgraded” version of your kid.

According to experts of Child Mind Institute, to prevent the bridge between you and your kid from receding, you require to pad up the communication gap and for that,

       Parents need to follow a few steps:

• Don’t take their withdrawal as rejection. The child turns rebellious, outspoken or introvert in the Preteen stage. They behave callously with their parents and relies more on friends or trust those people who speak in favor.

• Take time out from your busy schedule for your child. Convincing Preteens to talk and open up is tedious. Try to establish a bond, a special period every week when you can give unadulterated attention. Utmost patience is required on part of Parents else it can misfire.

• Always opt for an indirect approach to chit-chat. The time has gone when they were answerable to those direct questions, now it doesn’t work. They feel it is an encroachment into their personal space. Overindulgence can turn things upside down.

• Keep your judgmental mind in the backseat. Being judgmental can never mend the scratches of puberty of your child.

• Start conversing about sex and drugs. Sex is a taboo in our society but our children live in a world where they get exposed to sexual languages, images, sexual changes in their body; all these make them curious and it is your duty to extinguish this fuel of curiosity, keeping aside what society will say or think. Right guidance on the subject will educate them and prevent them from straying.

• As a parent, it is not easy to figure out the emotions erupting. A friendly bond can vanish the difference of age and relationship and you can help them out, answering all their queries and educate them about the undiscussed zone, which is considered taboo in our society.

We as parents of new age need to break the barrier and help our children to grow with values of life and morality.

I despise parents who state ” We were not of your type.” Indirectly, you are abusing your child. Ask your Mom how tough nut you were to crack. Each stage of life has its own hiccups and when we outgrow, we forget the turbulence.

I raised my kids remembering all the instances of my preadolescent stage, my reactions etc. and it was a lesson which helped me to raise them gracefully.

Happy Parenting!