Dear Maa

Dear Maa,

Looking at the pictures of yesterday,

I realize how much things around me have changed,

Almost everything around has taken a stroll and went away,

But the only thing that remained is you,

Starting from a toddler when you held my little finger and taught me to walk,

Reading those alphabets loud for me at school so that I could learn to talk,

Each moment I kept growing under you like a little plant in the shade of a tree,

And when time was right,

you left me in the open so that I could learn the world,

You gave me ample support and time when I used to crib when there was nothing to worry,

Tears rolled out of your eyes when I got my first job,

You kept me believing there was more to come,

I realized how much it meant to you and promised you ll remain my first priority for life,

A New Journey started when I had to grow independent,

You remained quiet, observing me from a distance,

How was I managing, was I doing well enough,

I ran into troubles, and you kept supporting me that I will do well enough soon,

And with your blessings, I did..

But something within had changed,

the troubles took a part of me with them away,

My innocence seemed over, and I too like others,

had become the same, I wanted to do everything like the old times,

but unlike earlier, I wanted it for me first..

My Anger which was too frequent in childhood, seemed to have gone,

but in the midst it arrived back again..

Today, I give you pain,

I behave ungrateful,

I seek answers,

I suggest too many things,

Forgetting how much pain you endured for I could be happy and safe,

Time seems to have made me travel some distance far away,

I do not know where I am,

but I only know,

when in this busy world, I am on my own alone,

I remember you and wish for you,

I look at your pictures and tears roll out of my eyes..

I do not wish that every time I come near, I ask you wrong again,

I do not wish that every time I come near, I end up hurting you again,

But I only know I wish you to be happy with where I am,

Coz wherever I am, and whatever I do,

I might fall umpteen times, but I want to stand on my own,

I feel belittled when I have to look up and ask for help in my pain,

I want you to give me the same freedom,

so that I can flap my stiff wings and try to fly again,

My Anger, My Stress, My Worries will be gone,

if you just make me believe that you are there for me,

But not so worried, that my pain hurts you !!

I only wish good things, I only want good things,

I am still young , and still growing,

If I will have a day, when I want to run back to you and hide in your arms,

I will,

but till then I do,

I wish for you happiness and health.

You are the core of my life,

And before I love anyone else, I want to let you know,

I have loved you more than anyone else in this world,

And it hurts me more, when I see your pain,

It irks me, it irritates me why it is you who has to face the damp rain,

Don’t let that change the mother I have known,

The Strong woman who has stood by all the pain,

I may not contribute much today as I am still learning the earning game,

But when I stand tall and strong,

there shall be nothing you wish and you will not have the same..

Truly Yours Forever,
Your Son.
© Ila Varma 09/12/2015